


a girl with no name and no memories but these.

by sapphfics



Category: Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally
Genre: Amnesia, Gen, Repressed Memories, i sad now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 00:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: By the time the first nurse finds her, she is almost buried alive in the snow.Or: Anya, and the only past she recalls.





	a girl with no name and no memories but these.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



i.

By the time the first nurse finds her, she is almost buried alive in the snow.

She can still hear gunfire, somewhere, but she is powerless to do anything about it. She hears screaming and her head throbs, her breathing ragged. She can feel the snow turning to rain and she is so tired. It’s as cold as the grave and she wants nothing more than to close her eyes and slip away, but -

That’s the first time she hears the voices inside her head.

“Live,” they tell her. “Live for us, please, we will wait for you. We love you.”

She does not recognise any of them and it slowly begins to eat her alive.

She isn’t sure how long she lies, how long she waits, how long she wonders if she may die alone.

And then, a torch shines bright in her eyes, the light glistening off of the small pistol tucked in the nurse’s skirt.

“No!” She screams, sitting up and trying in vain to drag herself away. “Please don’t -”

“Hush now, I will not hurt you,” The nurse puts a hand to her face, the only heat she feels, and looks her right into the eyes. “Poor girl, you are safe now.”

The bullet wound in her legs streaks the snow surrounding her red, and she wonders if she will ever truly feel safe as she collapses into the nurse’s shaking arms.

//

ii.

She grips the kind nurse’s hand when they hold her down and take out the bullets still lodged in her, and bites her tongue. She wakes screaming, but the nurse has not let go.

It doesn’t stop raining, the sheets beneath her feel crisp and cold. She doesn’t remember how the bullets got there. She doesn’t remember how she was left for dead at the side of a road. She doesn’t remember anything.

“What is your name?” The kind nurse asks.

“I - I’m sorry but I don’t remember.” She says.

“It seems you have amnesia, I’m afraid,” Another nurse, the one who has seen six children dead from a fever before dawn, sighs sadly. “Give the child a hat.”

  
“Call the child Anya,” The kind nurse says. “A strong name, for a strong girl.”

  
This is the first time Anya recalls smiling.

//

iii.

At the orphanage, Anya sings the children to sleep to a tune that always makes her think of love and has words she does not remember. Although, they don’t seem to mind. She hopes they will all find good families, the kind of family she must have had.

“Charming girl,” The kind nurse watches her from the doorway and grins.“I would adopt you if I were able.”

“Thank you, Comrade.” Anya says, though she isn’t sure if Diana is serious or not. She longs to be wanted, to have a family, a home. She looks to the woods beyond and begins to figure out a way to cross them. She wonders if she could get to Paris on foot.

The nurse puts a hand on her shoulder. “Please, Anya, call me Diana.”

She thinks of the voices that only come to her at night, and wonders if she is being haunted.

//

iv.

Anya is fourteen the first time the soldiers come, closing the gates behind them.

She feels bile rise in her throat and tries to run away, but instead, bumps straight into one of them. To her surprise, he almost laughs, and bends down to look at her. She keeps her eyes to the floor.

“Winter is over, and soon it will be Spring,” The soldier before her says with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “You need not be afraid, my child. Together, when you are grown, we shall all work to build a new Russia that will be the envy of all the world.”

“That sounds lovely,” Her voice shakes. “Thank you, Comrade -“

“Vaganov,” The solider supplies, cutting her off. “I have a son about your age, actually. Perhaps you two may meet.”

“I’d love to,” She lies.

Everything about him makes her skin crawl, his uniform, the badges that glint in the sun, the gun he holds with something like pride.

That night, the ghosts amongst her only scream.

“You promised they wouldn’t hurt us!” The little boy cries, and Anya wakes up sobbing.

//

v.

Anya turns eighteen the day Comrade Vaganov dies of a heart attack, and it almost feels like a gift in itself.

She gasps when Diana hands her the diamond.

“I found it, sewn into your underclothes,” She explains. “I kept it all these years, so you could run. Russia is no place for - for a girl like you.”

Anya is nothing short of stunned. “Where would I go? Russia has raised me, I can’t -“

“Yes, you can, Anya.” Diana says. “Don’t doubt yourself. You don’t know how strong you are. Any eight year old who can survive several bullets can get out of this damned country.”

“Come with me,” Anya says. “Come with me, to Paris, and we can be a family.”

“It’s too late for me,” Diana says, sad but resolute. “Go to Paris, Anya. Be free.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> i’m not sure what this is but i haven’t written anything in ages ?? sorry if this sucks lmfao


End file.
